Forgivness is a Funny Thing
by animachine
Summary: Joss has Forgiven John of a lot of things has she come to her breaking point?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I had a chance to watch season 1 &amp; 2 during Christmas break and I felt Joss never had a chance to vent about certain things LOL. his is just the beginning if you like it I'll keep going. I do not own POI all mistakes are mine.

Forgiveness is a Funny Thing

Joss was awakened by soft kisses on the back of her shoulder. She exhales a soft sleepy moan as she rolled over to face her husband and began to kiss him, gently at first, and as the kiss deepened things become heated, passionate, they begin to make love. The tangle of bodies moving in union until they are both satisfied. Her husband goes to take a shower and as he prepares to leave for work he kisses her on the cheek. "What a wonderful way to start the day, dinner tonight at our favorite place, babe?" he asked. Joss groaned a sleepy "yes."

"I love you Joss, see you tonight."

"I love you too," and she happily fell asleep.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Fusco made his way to the umpteenth crime scene of the week there had been so many he actually lost count. The homicide and robbery rate had gone through the roof after the blackout and the explosion at the old post office. Add to that the take down of HR, and the shortage of manpower made for a toxic mix. Some of the cases he handled would have been something glasses and Tall Dark and Stormy would have handled, but it seemed the earth had opened and swallowed them all up... The night of the blackout was the last time he had any contact with Reese and he was with that weird government spook that had lurked around the precinct looking into Alicia Corwin's murder. That had been over a year ago. Fusco wondered what happened but he shook off the thought, now he had a case to investigate. "What do we have? "As he crossed the crime scene tape.

White male approximate age 40. Got caught in the cross fire of a shootout possible cause of death GSW to the abdomen", as Lionel approached the body a scowl spread across his face, he recognized the victim, It was Ian Murphy.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When Lionel returned the precinct he had been busy pulling evidence files. He was preparing to contact Murphy's next of kin, and as he returned to his desk he saw a guy messing with the computer on Carter's old desk. "Hey what are you doing?"

"IT dude, just setting up your partners computer."

"Whoa, what do you mean what partner?"

"Some hotshot just made a big bust, got promoted from narcotics. He can tell you all about it." As IT guy acknowledged John.

Lionel turned to face none other john Reese now Detective John Reilly. "Detective."

"You?" That one word said it all, where the hell have you been?

"You guys know each other?" the IT guy asked.

"We've met," Reilly responded.

"All set make yourself at home." As IT guy finished up.

Lionel was full of questions this was the first time he had seen or heard from any member of the team in over a year Fusco knew he would never get an explanation of where they had been. "Welcome to the eighth." Fusco nodded, they shared a look as Reilly settled in at Carter's old desk.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Joss had waited for over an hour for her husband to arrive for dinner. She checked her cell phone there were no text or voice mails, odd she thought it was not like him not to check in if he was running late, and he was definitely not one to be a no show. Joss called his cell, the call went straight to voice mail. She called his office his assistant said he had left hours ago, where was he? She waited for another thirty minutes paid for her coffee and headed to her office.

Joss went to her office to help quash her worry, she decided to put the finishing touches on her closing augments on her latest case as an ADA. She couldn't believe she had quit the department and finally started using her law degree. The take down of HR, the explosion at the old post office had left her shell shocked and she thought she would be better off prosecuting cases than chasing criminals on the streets. If she were honest those things contributed to her leaving but the truth was it had more to do with John not communicating with her after that night in morgue. He had shared his feelings for her and after everything that happened, it was the silent treatment that left a sour taste in her mouth. She had forgiven him before when he distanced himself after the incident at Riker's or even before when he left her to handle the IAB investigation of Fusco and having to dig up a decomposed body to save him from the hands of HR.

If they needed anything John or Finch would contact Fusco. Occasionally Shaw would call her to see how she was doing but when Joss would ask about John she stopped calling too. The whole thing left her numb how could a man tell you he loved you and then so callously break all communication. When she was back at the precinct one particular day the weather matched her mood, she needed some fresh air so she decided to go out for lunch where she literally ran into Ian Murphy and almost knocked him over. He had come to check on her and he was looking as handsome as ever. "Ian fatherhood looks good on you." Joss said playfully trying to hide her dour disposition.

"Joss I heard about the shooting and the explosion and I wanted to see if you were alright I would have come sooner but Alex and I were out of the country."

"As you can see Ian I'm alive and kicking." She half-heartedly joked.

"Look Joss you don't have to put on a brave front for me." When Ian said that something in Joss broke and all the emotions and frustrations that she had been carrying had crushed her defenses and she began to cry, from that day forward Ian would call and check on her take her out to lunch or dinner sometimes bring her coffee when he was in the neighborhood, send little gifts to lift her spirits. Just being there for her. It felt good not to feel abandoned and to have someone to lean on. She was not alone.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Fusco eyed her as she told him Ian had asked her to marry him.

"Of course Fusco I'm not asking your permission I'm just telling you."

I'm just thinking of our mutual friends what would the tall guy say?

"What are you talking about Fusco John has no say in what I do or who I see. Besides where is he?"

"I'm just saying Carter you're telling me you're getting married like we're talking about a case."

Joss turned off the tablet she was making notes on, she was worried not having heard from her husband.

_Her mind went back to that night when she in the alley with her then CI Bottle cap. Her being on the ground after he had shot her in the vest point blank. And the man in the suit declaring to her that she was not alone whether she liked it or not._

Joss was brought out her reverie by a knock on the door. "Come in." Joss' assistant stuck her head in the door. "Joss, Detective Fusco's here to see you."

Joss got up from her desk and greeted her ex- partner.

"Lionel what brings you to this neck of the woods," she greeted him with a smile

"Sorry Carter I'm here on official business." Joss was taken aback.

What is it Fusco, what's going on?

Lionel looked at her his mouth a straight line a scowl on his face.

"Carter Ian is dead. I'm Sorry. I need you to come down and make a positive id. And there's something else you need to know. "


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Sorry for the delay updating, I would like to thank everyone for your reviews. PM's are coming soon for those I haven't gotten a chance to respond to and thank you to the guest reviewers. I do not own POI the mistakes are all mine. Please enjoy and review.

Forgiveness is a Funny Thing Chapter 2

Ian is dead…..Ian is dead. John is back. Ian is dead. Thoughts were swirling in her head a million miles a second. "No, this cant be happening." Joss didn't know what news overwhelmed her more. That Ian was dead or that John Reese was suddenly back. "How, Fusco?" Joss asked as she collapsed onto a chair.

"From what we can tell, Ian was caught in the crossfire of a shootout between rival gangs. It looks like he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. We suspect some of Elias' guys but, the departments been hearing rumblings of a new player named Dominic trying to make a name for himself."

Joss had heard of this Dominic she had assisted on some cases trying to put away some of his guys, she was frustrated that they were having a hard time holding on to them.

Don't worry Carter we're gonna get the guys who did this." Fusco assured her.

"John's a detective? How did that happen, did he say where he had been?" She asked distracted.

"All I know is he shows up one day transferred in from narcotics, after a big drug bust, they gave him a big promotion and your old desk." Joss was too numb to react to that bit of news.

* * *

Joss stared out the window of the cruiser as they made their way to the eightieth precinct from the coroner's office. She hoped John wouldn't be there. She didn't want to see him, not now. She was married to Ian and that's where her focus had to be right now. she wasn't sure how she would react and she just didn't have the energy to spare. When they arrived Lionel managed to escort her to an empty interrogation room unnoticed.

"I'll be right back okay." Joss grabbed Fusco's arm, "I don't want to see him Fusco, let him know, please."

Fusco knew it would be impossible to keep Reese away from her for long. "I'll do my best Carter."

"While we're here would you please call me Mrs. Murphy?" Fusco gave her a small understanding smile "Sure, Mrs. Murphy."

Just as Fusco suspected John was outside watching them through the two way glass. "Look Wonder boy she said she don't want see you, right now."

I won't go in I just needed to see if she was okay, John answered, never taking his eyes off Joss.

She was just as beautiful, as the last time he saw her. It reminded him this was one more failure in a long line of not being there for her.

_John's mind went back to the first encounter they had after she had called for his help. He had basically told her he was busy and hung up on her._

_"You doing okay Carter?"_

_"How do I look John?" She had looked exhausted, defeated, disappointed. He had found out she had dug up Detective Stills' decomposed body to clear Fusco plus she was still coping with Beecher's murder. Now here they were back in the same place, at odds with one another, he had cut communication with her then disappeared suddenly not giving her a reason._

He wanted to go to her explain everything that had happened, why he had to walk away from her that it was to keep her safe, this new threat was greater than anyone anticipated. Samaritan had proven to be formidable disposing even perceived threats without prejudice, to say Finch was a threat was an understatement. They all had to leave suddenly, to change identities or they were dead, he wanted to reassure her to comfort her to let her know she wasn't alone.

"Hey Reilly you got a call," one the detectives called out to him, bringing him out of his thoughts. John headed back to his desk answering the call. "Riley."

"Detective Riley?" it was Harold.

"What is it Professor?" John was perturbed that Finch was probably watching and listening at that moment.

"It would be unwise to be involved in any confrontations or dramatic discussions right now." John knew what Harold was saying, he just wasn't sure he agreed.

Fusco brought in Ian's personal effects, his wedding ring, his wallet and his cell phone and placed them on the table. joss sat staring at them for a moment before she reached out and touched them. She picked up the wallet and checked the contents his money, all his credit cards and driver's license where there but what caught her attention was a picture of her and Ian on their honeymoon he looked so happy, they looked happy. Joss took the picture out of the wallet and stared at it as tears welled in her eyes. It was in this moment she knew she loved Ian, enough to marry him to change careers and begin to live a peaceful life with him. After John disappeared she never thought she would be happy, but Ian changed that.

Fusco had begun to make fun of her calling her domestic goddess, but she was having a good time doing the housewife thing, even having a youngster to take care of when Alex wasn't with his grandfather. It was a chance to be normal and not live a life of constant danger. When her schedule allowed she would rush home to cook dinner so they could eat together as a family. They would have family movie night, family game night that included Alex and Taylor. She and Ian would have a date night whenever their busy schedules allowed, all Joss knew is that Ian filled the void, he helped to still the ache in her heart he was patient and waited for her, he loved her.

* * *

Did you love him? Ian asked her one day they were out together on the lake to go row boating. She was a million miles away thinking about john. What do you mean Ian? I'm willing to wait Joss as long as I have to. I love you and I won't share you with another man, you're worth waiting for. She still couldn't believe she had said yes to Ian's proposal what the heck she was marrying one man while her heart was with another. she didn't do soap opera well.

* * *

Alex, what am I going to tell that sweet kid. He's gone thru so much finding that his short life was a lie. The man he thought was his father was really his grandfather and the woman he thought was his aunt was really his mother. Alex was extremely intelligent and resilient he had taken in all the information well and seemed to be bonding with Ian as his father and on top of it all he had to accept a new stepmom and stepbrother. Thank goodness they were able to get his grandfather to help instead of hinder the adjustments the boy had to make. They were becoming a family, even Taylor had taken Alex under his wing, being in the same boat having to form a relationship with a father that had recently become a part of their lives.

* * *

The next few days were a blur for Joss as she planned Ian's funeral service he had no living relatives except her and Alex, a few friends and some business associates came to pay their respects. As they all gathered around the grave site something in Joss began to stir, indignation, this was beyond what HR had done, they had managed to manipulate and intimidate by threating her and son. they killed Cal and Syzmanski. they had tried to destroy Fusco but some how this seemed more personal. She went thru the motions the rest of the day accepting everyone's condolences, everyone telling her what a good man Ian was. She knew first hand. She was glad Alex wanted to stay with her so she brought him back to their apartment and stayed in his room, he had cried himself to sleep.

She made her way back to her own room and sat on her bed staring at the wall. she was exhausted physically and emotionally but anger raged within her as she made her way to her closet she dug out the storage containers and pulled out her old work clothes, her black jeans, heather gray t shirt, her holster and black leather jacket she put on her detective ensemble and made a phone call. "We need to meet."

* * *

Fusco stopped at John's desk and asked in a whisper "You heard from Car….I mean Mrs. Murphy?"

"Fusco she doesn't want to talk to me remember?"

It's just that her kid called me this morning said he found her cell phone and her gun was not in its normal spot and her bed hadn't been slept in. Taylor's worried it's not like her to not give him some idea what she's up to. I think she's gone off the gird to do some investigating of her own."

John had to go find her. He would deal with the consequences of her being angry at him later.

"Hey where you going?" Fusco called after John as he pulled out his phone to call Finch.


	3. Chapter 3

Forgiveness is a Funny Thing Chapter 3

Joss made her way down the steps into what appeared to be an abandoned restaurant. As she entered she was greeted by a familiar face. "You know the drill detective," as Marconi began to pat her down for weapons.

"Your lingering just a little too long don't you think Marconi and why do you still call me Detective?" He finished up skimming his hands over her legs. He eyed her from head to toe which made Joss shiver. "You know the boss doesn't like surprises, and to me you'll always be Detective Carter you helped my boss."

"Don't get all sentimental on me now." Joss gave him a small smile.

Marconi lead Joss to a table in the back of the room Carl Elias sat at the head. "Anthony would you give us a moment please." Elias dismissed Marconi and gestured for Joss to sit down.

"Thanks but I'll stand."

"Jocelyn I was so sorry to hear of the tragedy surrounding the passing of your husband Ian, wasn't it?"

Joss nodded but she didn't respond, Elias continued to speak," I understand you would like to discuss the unfortunate incident?"

"What happened Elias I know you don't care about collateral damage, why were your men so careless to start a gun fight in broad daylight on a very crowded street no less?"

"Jocelyn there are some who think that they can build an empire on just a whim, with little effort or determination. There are some who believe that if they wish hard enough it will happen, there those who are foolish enough to think they can take what someone else has worked for. Then there are those who believe they have a new and better way to do things. Dominic foolishly falls into the latter category.

"Why would he instigate a shootout?"

"I believe He was trying to send a message, but not just to me."

"What message and to who?" Joss urged Elias on.

"Jocelyn your reputation as the one who single handedly brought down HR has not subsided on the streets. The fact that HR continued the rumor that you had help from the man in the suit and since John's been back he has been turning up in areas that just happen to be where some of Dominic's illegal activities are taking place…I'll let you fill in the blanks."

Joss didn't say anything to Elias' speculation she contemplated the implications, did Dominic know for sure or was he just guessing about her connection to John? Was Dominic sending a personal message when Ian was shot?

"Tell me did he know I was married to Ian?"

Elias shrugged.

"He did know about the attempts the Prosecutors office has made to charge and lockup some of his men and that you were one of the ADA's on the cases. You've been interfering with his business endeavors on some level."

"So this was personal?" Joss said to one in particular. She turned on her heels and left.

"Finch it's been a two days and you mean to tell me you haven't been able to locate Joss?" John was trying not to let his anxiety get the best of him, it wasn't like Joss to go off the grid this long without anyone knowing her whereabouts, even Fusco hadn't heard from her. "It seems Joss has become quite adept at keeping out of the view of the machine." Finch glanced up from his keyboard. "There is one thing I could recommend John." John turned to look at Harold. "Go ask Elias if he's heard from her."

John made his way to the building where Elias was staying.

"John It's always a pleasure to see you. I'm really surprised to have two visitors in one day, you and your associate Ms. Carter."

"Joss was here, when?"

'She stopped by earlier very curious about a mutual friend of ours."

"I don't have time to play games Elias what did she want?"

"Apparently there is a connection between Dominic and her murdered husband.

A frown spread over John's face, he was getting a clearer picture of what Joss was planning.

"If you hear from her again contact Harold," with that he turned on his heels and was gone.

Joss was staking out the old community center that one of her old CI's pointed her to. It was rumored that Dominic and his men used the building to stock drugs and weapons. Just as she was going to approach the building Shaw came from out of nowhere tailing a young man.

Joss sunk down in her cars seat hoping Shaw didn't see her. She pulled her hair up into a ponytail and put on some sunglasses then she stealthy entered the building following Shaw. Shaw was intently watching the young man as he met up with another larger man and a young woman. They all greeted one another and made their way to an exit at the rear of the room. As the group entered a back hallway Joss saw Shaw exit out the door behind them while pulling out her gun, joss had to move quickly. She managed to get close enough to Shaw to hear her conversation, joss assumed with Finch. "I have some unfinished business with the guy Finch" Shaw protested and just as she raised her gun to fire Joss managed to get Shaw's attention and lower the gun at the same time. Shaw was surprised to say the least there weren't many people who could sneak up on her and live to tell about it.

"What the…. Do you know John has been tearing up this city looking for you?" Shaw whispered to Joss.

"Can you tell me the wisdom of trying to start a gun fight in the middle of a community center full of innocent bystanders?"

"You sound like Finch without the vocabulary. Shaw glowered at Joss, "what are you doing here anyway?"

"I'm guessing pretty much the same as you looking for Dominic Joss whispered gesturing for Shaw's phone knowing Finch was probably listening. Shaw pulled the phone from her pocket Joss promptly dropped it stomped on and broke it. "Finch is going to be pissed but what do you need me to do?" Shaw volunteered

Joss chuckled she always knew her and Shaw had an understanding when it came to keeping some things secret.

"If I get in too deep I'll call you." And with that Joss was gone.

Finch was furiously working on his keyboard trying to bring up a camera feed anywhere near the community center. He needed to make sure Ms. Shaw was alright since their connection was broken. He gasped when he saw her through a surveillance camera at a corner market it was Joss coming from the direction of the center.

Why didn't you try to contact Finch as soon as she left you know she's in danger…Reese was furious with Shaw.

"Past experience should tell you that when she doesn't want to be found, she's not going to be found. You know she has the ability to avoid us when she wants to. She's got a score to settle and this time she needs to settle it the way she wants. Finch the past few weeks have changed us all Carter included. I say we let her be, keep an eye on her and if she gets in over her head then we intervene. We all know she can handle herself. Right?"

"Ms. Shaw you know how desperately we've been searching for Joss and as far as settling a score The Detective has always managed to stay within the legal parameters of her profession."

"Revenge is not her style." John added then turned and left the room. Finch was worried he knew how far John would go to help Joss, for either of them there was no limits.

Joss was exhausted she had just come from Paul's apartment. She didn't go in but stood outside watching for Taylor wanting to make sure he was alright, now she was at Alex's school watching him from across the street. She need to make sure her boys were okay and taken care of. she pushed down the guilt especially where Alex was concerned she wanted to take care of him for Ian's sake, but something had changed, she couldn't put her finger on it even before John and his friends came back there was a definite change in the air. Alex had come out of the school building he looked tired and he looked like he had been crying, Joss wanted to go and comfort the boy. Seeing Taylor and Alex began to weaken her resolve but no matter what somehow some way she had a meeting with Dominic.

Later that night Joss made her way back to her apartment, her plan was to get a couple of hours of sleep, shower, change, and grab some food then make her way back out on to the street. She enter into her apartment took a few steps in that's when her senses went on high alert, she wasn't alone, she pulled her gun from its holster and made her way to a strategic location within the room, her place her advantage. She reached for the light to surprise the intruder when suddenly she was grabbed from behind her face was covered with a cloth doused with something that started to make her groggy and she started to lose consciousness. Before she passed out she heard grunting as if there was a struggle and a gunshot, then everything went black.


	4. Chapter 4

Forgiveness is a Funny Thing Chapter 4

***"What about you have you ever thought moving on?"**

**"Like dating? Sure, when I'm not being a single mom or a Homicide Detective, or whatever this is, what about you?"**

* * *

Joss made her way back to consciousness, her head was pounding thank goodness the room was quiet, is that the smell of coffee wafting through the air? She thought to herself. She slowly opened her eyes, the bright sunlight coming thru the window didn't help her headache. Her eyes focused on John sitting in a chair by the window facing the bed she was lying on. He had his eyes closed his Sig on the table next him. Just as she started to stir he was out of the chair and was handing her a bottle of water, "here this will help the headache," just as suddenly he was back in his chair.

"Where am I?" Joss asked, still laying in the bed.

"What's the last thing you remember?"

Joss thought about it, she remembered someone grabbing her from behind.

"Somebody grabbed me from behind put a cloth over my face with some kind of sedative on it...I thought I heard a fight and gun shots. I take it that was you?" She sat up slowly. "How long have I been here?"

"Just a few hours. You hungry? I'll cook you something."

"No thanks I need to get back home, I'll eat there."

"Joss" John wasn't sure just what to say to her. He just needed to start a dialogue.

"Bathroom?" John pointed her in the direction. This estrangement was different, there was so much at stake, emotions were high, he couldn't let her leave without saying something. He had risked too much even bringing her back here.

"This your place?" Joss asked, making her way to her belongings. He nodded in response.

"Carter." The way he said her name brought back too many memories for her. She closed her eyes.

"My name is Mrs. Murphy now," as she pulled on her jacket preparing to leave. The familiar feeling in the air of whatever it was that always happened when they were together charged the atmosphere.

Joss huffed out a chuckle "Still nothing to say John?" She shook her head and started to leave.

"I'm sorry."

"You've said that a lot, now, I don't believe you, so I'll see you later." As she started to leave, John grabbed her arm.

"You have a right to be angry. I understand."

"Thanks for your permission. Do you even know why I'm angry or did you miss that class in your CIA training." John was taken aback by her harshness he had never seen Joss like this even at their worse.

"You don't understand and it's too dangerous to explain."

Joss started to laugh genuinely laugh. "When will it ever be safe John, was it safe when I risked everything to help while you were in Rikers? Was it safe when your ex-partner from the CIA tried to kill us ramming that truck into the SUV we were riding in? Was it safe when you had that bomb vest strapped to you and I wanted to help you? Was it safe when you told me you loved me in the morgue that night? Tell me John when will it ever be safe? She stared at him defiantly. John's eyes filled with tears Joss had been through hell with him and Finch. Now he understood why she married Ian.

I meant it when I told you that I love you Joss.

"And that's why you left without saying a word. I didn't know if you were dead or alive. You either Finch." She yelled out sure he was listening.

"I took the battery out of my phone and you're not carrying one so he can't hear us now."

"Joss I'm sorry about Ian he was a good man."

"I do not want to talk about Ian with you."

John sighed deeply "alright if it will set some things right between us I'll tell you everything." He moved them both to sit on the bed. "But first I need you to tell me your plans for Dominic."

Joss just stared straight ahead. This was a place they had visited before with the Marshall Jennings incident except the tables were turned and there was no Mexican prison in Dominic's future.

"I'm going to kill Him," she said it so matter of factly that it sent chills through John.

"Revenge Joss? You're to good for that, I know deep down you want to do this the right way. This is isn't you." John tried to reason with her.

"People change didn't you know that John." she still wouldn't look at him. "I used to be a cop I can make it look like a good shoot."

John couldn't believe what he was hearing from Joss Carter Murphy. This was not the honest to a fault ex detective, ex warrant officer, ADA Joss he knew. One thing John saw was the determination in her eyes. He kneeled down in front of her, "don't do this Carter this is something you'll never come back from take my word for it, you've killed in the line of duty not for revenge."

Joss held her head down she wouldn't meet his eyes John reached up and touched her chin and tilted her head up till their eyes met. "What about Taylor and Alex how are they supposed to manage if you're caught, how will you manage the guilt, how will I manage if I lose you again.

It was then her eyes started to soften, John continued trying to make headway. " I know how you feel Joss wanting to take out those who have taken something from you, I won't let you lose that part of your soul. I love you too much for that to happen."

Joss' eyes started to tear up.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. He couldn't believe it, whoever it was their timing couldn't be worse. John got up to answer the door it was Fusco.

"Lionel you better have a very good explanation for here." John spoke to him in that dangerous whisper they all recognized.

"Glasses sent me we heard there was a report of shots fired at Cart—I mean Mrs. Murphy's apartment and he told me to check to see if you were here."

John was pissed somehow Harold must have found a way to track him. He knew he needed to stay under Samaritans radar. Sometimes he underestimated Finch's determination to locate him but Finch knew helping Joss was an added distraction to John.

"Contact Finch and tell him we're fine I need to talk to Joss for a while."

"Never mind John it's to late anyway," she turned to Fusco, "take me home partner." She smiled a smile that didn't reach her eyes.

John glared at Fusco as he returned_ a what do you expect me to do look._ "Sure, let's go" he answered her and they promptly left.

"What the hell did I walk in on?" Fusco asked Joss.

"I do not want to talk about it Fusco."

"Well did you at least talk to the big guy about what's been going on between you two?"

"Nothing to talk about really, just agreeing to disagree."

"What the hell are you talking about Carter?" Fusco asked frustrated with both their behavior.

"Methodology. We disagree about the way I'm handling things, He doesn't like that I'm using some of the man in the suit methods."

"Don't you think It's bad enough we have lady commando, tall dark and stormy and now we have you to worry about? It ain't right Carter."

Joss remained silent she didn't want to argue anymore tonight.

"Look you know I've always got your back Carter. But this thing with you and wonder boy has a life all its own, do you know he has been ditching work to find you." Joss truly valued Fusco's loyalty.

"So I've heard."

"Our captain has been riding me about his whereabouts and if he's helping you I'm helping him, but I'm running out of excuses."

* * *

John entered the underground subway car. "Finch I need you to locate Dominic and fast."

"What's the problem Mr. Reese?" Harold questioned looking away from his computer monitors.

"Finch I need to stop Joss from doing something that will destroy her and everything she stands for."

John went into the subway car took out his plan B bag and turned towards Finch.

"Joss wants to kill Dominic and I have to stop her."

* * *

* Part of the stakeout scene from "Til Death.


	5. Chapter 5

Forgiveness is a Funny Thing Chapter 5

Joss sat at a discreet booth in the back of the diner watching John dispatch the assailant of his latest number. She couldn't help but smile as he dispensed advice to the number about cheating with the man's wife. Shoot, she spotted Fusco coming out of the bathroom, her seat in his line of vision. Joss scooted down into the seat not wanting to be seen by her former partner. Finding Dominic had become her number one priority and following John was her best bet, the man attracted trouble. Elias had mentioned John had interrupted some of Dominic's 'business transactions' so it was only a matter of time before their paths crossed again, she just had to be patient.

Thank goodness John got a call just as he was done wrapping up the case, the way he moved it was probably Finch with another number, as he left the diner Joss emerged from her booth "Carter what the hell, you're following wonder boy?" Lionel asked exasperated. Joss counted to three smiled at Lionel "Later Fusco" she was off in hot pursuit of "the man in the suit"

John could sense Joss's presence. He hadn't been able to spot her but he knew she was close by and he needed to know how she was doing. Their last encounter had not gone well and the interruption just when he was about to tell her about Samaritan hadn't helped his cause. He still wasn't convinced that Lionel showing up when he did was a coincidence he just hadn't had time to talk to Finch about it. Joss' desire for revenge against Dominic really had him worried he knew her judgment was clouded and would cause her to make a mistake that could be fatal, this single-mindedness was what nearly got them killed going against HR, and it made him more determined to keep her safe... "Shaw do me a favor and see if you can pick up Joss on any surveillance cameras in the area. She's here somewhere I just haven't spotted her yet."

"She's gotten good at going into stealth mode she's even gotten the drop on me." Shaw was still surprised by that fact.

"I'm worried and I just want to keep an eye on her."

Shaw didn't know what to say to Reese he had a one track mind when it came to Joss, and nothing would stop him from putting himself in danger trying to help her. The movement was subtle but Shaw spotted her a half a block away on the opposite side of the street.

Shaw debated within herself she understood the need to get even with those who wronged you, she couldn't stop looking for Control when her former partner Cole was killed, for asking questions no less. "Reese I don't see her, your intuition must be off." She would give Joss her space for now.

"Just keep an eye out for her I know she's nearby."

"Well if you're interested our latest number, Walter Dang is headed to a shady hotel in Washington Heights." Thankful for the distraction the number provided, diverting his attention.

"Look Carter I'll keep you in the loop as long as you stay out of sight. John seems to know when you are anywhere in the vicinity." Since Shaw had to hang out at HQ while Finch was in China she might as well provide Riley with some back up so she called Joss to provide it. "Thanks Sameen I owe you." Shaw leaned back in her chair munching a candy bar as she thought about how and on what she would cash in that favor.

* * *

Joss followed John to an insurance company where he had picked up the trail of his number. The man seemed to be extremely agitated and nervous as he exited the building he walked a couple of blocks and turned the corner. John was just about to catch up with the man when a black van came from out of nowhere and snatched the number off the street throwing a black hood over his head and pulling him in the back, that's when John sprang into action against the kidnappers .joss stopped in her tracks as she watched John take a strategic position on the sidewalk and opened fire on the van. Taking the two men out of action, as he helped Walter out of the van a pickup truck skidded onto the scene and a man popped up out of the bed with the largest gun Joss had ever seen and began to open fire on John and his number. That's when joss sprang into action, as she took up a strategic position quickly climbing up a fire escape and watched for an opening to take the shooter out. As he fired round after round at John, Joss was stunned by the sheer force of the firepower from the weapon that left very large holes in the side of the van and it shattered the cinder blocks that they were using as cover. John sent the number to a safer position that's when he decided to distract the shooter by running back towards the position of the truck and ended up on his butt while a magazine he was trying to load into his Sig slipped out of his hands and ended up on the ground. As he shrugged his shoulders in defeat the shooter raised his weapon to fire at john, Joss opened fire and took the man down. When John spotted her on the fire escape she gave him and wave and was off.

* * *

Damn he had spotted her she wanted to stay invisible for a while longer but John somehow always managed to put himself in serious danger when it came to protecting a number and she was not about to let anyone blow a hole in him the size of a bowling ball. What kind of gun was that and what had John and his number gotten themselves mixed up with. She headed home to take a quick shower and change clothes maybe eat something and plan when and where she would pick up Johns trail again. She entered her apartment and she knew she wasn't alone. "What are you doing here Shaw?"

"I had to lie to Reese today and I really don't like lying to him."

"I didn't ask you to." Joss answered her somberly.

"Look I get it, you want to get even but Reese could have been killed today because his mind is not in the game. He's worried about you, I'm asking as a friend of you both please put this thing on the shelf before you get him killed. By the way when the last time you had a full night's sleep or ate a decent meal you look terrible."

Joss sighed, she saw what type of fire power John was up against today and it made her shudder to think that type of weaponry could wind up on the streets of the city, and she wasn't sure how she would deal with John getting hurt because of her. "I'll make a deal with you I'll try a different source that won't involve him. That's all I can offer right now, when this over then I can rest."

Shaw exhaled sharply, if that's all you can offer I guess I'll have to settle for it just be careful and remember I've got your back." Joss just looked at her, it surprised her that they had become comrades in such a short time. "Thanks"

* * *

Joss stood across the street from the building where she was supposed to meet Elias when John showed up.

I guess its true great minds do think alike, she thought to herself. nothing criminal related happened in this city without Elias's knowledge, he was a fount of information no wonder John ended up here trying to track those guns no doubt.

John looked around before he entered the building, Joss was nearby he would wager his detectives pay on it. She had gotten really good at blending into the background. He would deal with trying to find her when he finished his dealings with Elias. He glanced around once more and entered the building. Joss clocked him he was back outside twenty minutes later, he came out looked around took out his phone and made a call. Joss had tried to be really careful to avoid any street cameras that way Shaw would not have to lie to John again. It looked like the conversation had gotten intense then he hung up. And began walking in her direction then stopped. Joss held her breath had Shaw given her location away. John tapped his ear turned on his heels and was gone. Joss was able to breathe again she waited ten minutes after John left before she made a move towards the building.

"Detective Carter to what do I owe this honor, you and John coming to see me on the same day"….

"Look Elias my business is not with John, I want to meet Dominic, and I told you my name is Murphy and I'm not a detective anymore."

"You do know the man is my enemy?" ignoring her protest.

"Trouble in paradise Detective?" Marconi asked with a chuckle. Joss rolled her eyes and shook her head at the comment.

I want to meet Dominic I have personal business with him and I know you have a way to contact him enemy or not. I remember how you were able to keep track of the old Dons."

"It's a strange new world Mrs. Murphy and those who are not willing to adapt will be lost."

"Something has changed that's for sure, I don't have time to adapt to the new social protocols." Joss answered him sarcastically.

"I'm just trying to make you under". Elias stopped in midsentence and looked at her quizzically, as joss began to breathe heavily. "Jocelyn are you alright?" Joss began to feel dizzy and nauseous. Marconi reached out to try and steady her, she waved him off, "I'm….I need to sit for a minute"

* * *

A/N: Sorry for taking so long to post I really want to finish this story before I begin the ones that are brewing around in my brain. This will probably be one more chapter and an epilogue. thanks for your patience.

I used episode Pretenders S4 Ep6 as a reference in this chapter so some things were changed...LOL


	6. Chapter 6

Forgiveness is a Funny Thing Chapter 6

Dominic sat behind a desk in the old community center. Linc came in. "I got some news for you. We've been tracking Elias, seems his men are turning on him left and right. The offers of more territory and more money you're making are sounding pretty good to them, it was only a matter of time before he surfaced. Looks like the old man is running out of places to hide, and the lady lawyer is back watching him like you said she would be. She's pretty slick, our guys had to be extra careful so they wouldn't be spotted. To bad Detective Riley managed to get in the way that night we tried to grab her from her place."

"Interesting, anything else?" Dominic asked.

"Yeah, Riley's been seen with Elias too."

A devious smile spread across Dominic's face, "They all are getting careless to have been spotted so easily, the three people I'm most interested in connected together, I don't believe in coincidence. The Old Lion, the Lady Lawyer and now Detective Riley, who ain't no cop, if we stay patient when the time is right, we can take care of all three at one time." He leaned back in his chair still smiling.

* * *

Positive, Joss stared at the results of the pregnancy test. Before she left her last meeting with Elias she had gotten sick, she had chalked up her feeling under the weather to fatigue from pushing herself for the past several weeks, but she had begun to suspect it was more than that…it had been about 6 weeks since that morning with Ian, 6 weeks, why does it seem like yesterday, tears welled in her eyes as she put her hands on her stomach. She wanted to finish what she started. Dominic had taken so much from her, but the thought of a new life, a part of Ian growing inside her helped her see the wasted effort, the time that she had taken away from her boys, her work and her friends. How had she gotten so far off track? She hadn't even taken time to grieve Ian. Taylor and Alex they must think she has abandoned them, how could she possibly make this up to them? She was so lost, John had even tried to talk her thru, knowing he understood what she was feeling, but she had been too angry to see it. She was an officer of the court how could she justify trying to avenge Ian's death, this was something that he would never have approved of. She began to weep as her mind drifted to John after she had found out the events of New Rochelle, stopping him on that lonely road, Marshall Jennings in the trunk of his car, seeing murder and determination in his eyes wanting someone to pay for the loss of Jessica, even though the case didn't even concern her. It brought another level of understanding and common ground with the man. Joss broke out of her reverie and dried her tears, she would talk to Elias one more time to let him know that the meet with Dominic was off and there was new business she had to deal with. "This ends now." She pulled out her sent a text and set out for her meeting with Elias.

* * *

John could not believe Elias was a number again. If it was left up to him he would let Dominic and Elias deal with their differences, but Finch would never allow it. "Think of the collateral damage John," he had said. Things had been too quiet between the two since the encounter over the experimental guns and since he went to Elias for help with Joss that made it impossible for him to sit this one out. As John trailed him and Scarface on the boardwalk his mind wandered to Joss, he missed her, he wanted to see her, to talk her, this estrangement was the farthest they had ever been apart, even at their angriest somehow they managed to find their way back to one another, would they be able to this time? He was dead set against her plan to avenge Ian's death. He knew her determination and her stubbornness sometimes matched his own, he was beginning to breakthrough her defenses when they were at the safe house but they had been interrupted and there had been so many numbers since then, it had left little time to actually see her. He would ask Fusco questions about her but Lionel would shut him down, "strict instructions from Carter" John shifted his focus back to Elias, he determined that when all this was over her would set everything straight between them.

* * *

Joss was a few blocks away from the address Elias had text her for their meeting. It was an abandoned building and considering the type of building for Elias this was an odd place to meet, she was dealing with the most powerful criminal element in the city, well, Elias has never struck her as conventional. Her a former detective and assistant district attorney in an alliance with a crime lord. She smiled to herself, nothing conventional about any of this is there.

John, Elias and Scarface made their way to his building. Elias unlocked the door and they entered "Nice place" John offered as he scanned the lobby. "What are we doing here? "

"It's my building I bought it. Only the penthouse has been renovated so far plus my accountant's office is here and"…

Just as he was about to finish his sentence Joss came through the front doors. "What is he doing here?" Joss demanded looking to Elias for answers." Hello Mrs. Murphy, John here…."

John interrupted, "We got word Elias is in danger, Dominic and the brotherhood want him dead and I'm here to help him. Joss, what are you doing here, you have to leave now it's too dangerous for you to stay here!" John commanded.

Joss opened her mouth to speak when Elias interjected, "if you don't mind John I came here to talk to Mrs. Murphy, while we're here I need to retrieve something of value from my accountant's office, so shall we proceed."

Suddenly Two carloads of Brotherhood soldiers pulled up outside the front doors. John, Joss and Scarface pulled their weapons. "See if you can get out the back exit I'll hold them off." John instructed. Joss started to argue with him but she had to think of the safety of her baby. "Come on as she took the lead and headed to the exit. As quickly as the left they came back "they have the back door covered."

The brotherhood converged on the building opening fire and breaking in the front door. "We need a way out of here"

"Well what are we waiting for?" Elias and Marconi moved toward the elevator and pressed the bottom.

"Does that go to a basement exit?"

"No to the penthouse." Elias calmly answered.

"The penthouse house?" Joss turned to look at Elias

"We'll be cornered up there." Joss and John said at the same time.

"It's either be cornered up there or dead down here, I'm opting for the former."

Just then the elevator doors opened. They crowded on to the elevator returning gunfire as The Brotherhood opened fire on the closing elevator doors.

"We'll be cornered up there, we need to get you out of here." John was talking to Elias while he was looking at Joss, she rolled her eyes at his over protectiveness.

Elias smiled, "Come on you two have some faith."


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: For the next two chapters I did a reworking of the episode "The Devil You Know" not only was it one of the few highlights of season 4 but I thought Marconi's death would be the perfect catalyst to bring Carter and Reese back on the road to one another. Marconi had respect for each of them and was crushing on Joss just a little. I intentionally left out the group home story hoping to add it later so I hope things make sense. You may also recognize some of the dialogue from the episode. Let me know what you think if it is to far from canon. As usual the characters do not belong to me but the mistakes are all mine. Enjoy!

Forgiveness is A Funny Thing CHAPTER 7

Joss kept her eyes fixed firmly on the number panel of the elevator as it rose to the penthouse. Inwardly she was a vortex of emotion, concerned for the safety of her baby, she knew that if John would find out she was pregnant he would do something to put himself in greater danger just to keep her and the baby safe. She'd have to admonish herself for the dumb move of meeting Elias in person later, the focus now was getting out of the building to safety.

She should have known John would be somewhere in the vicinity, after all didn't she tell him that 'trouble was always close by whenever he was around.' It reminded her of the time he showed up out of nowhere when Don Moretti was being released from prison and now here she was is a similar situation with Don Moretti's son a few years later. She quietly hoped Elias would not mention her being ill during their last meeting and as if the thought had crossed his mind "Jocelyn I hope you are feeling better than the last time we met."

John had been talking to Finch keeping him abreast of the situation inside the building and trying to get reinforcements to help against the brotherhood when he overheard Elias mention Joss had been sick, he abruptly ended the call and focused on the conversation.

"I'm fine just too much stress," the excuse sounding weak even to her. She kept her eyes on the panel feeling John watching her. "I really should have just called or text you, we'll talk when we get you out of here, but I am fine."

John continued to watch her, there was something different about her but he couldn't put his finger on it. He kept his thoughts to himself, he would definitely find out what was going on with her, with them, later. When they arrived at the penthouse John got off the elevator first to clear the hallway and as Elias opened the door to his accountant's office John burst thru gun drawn and swept the room, when he gave the all clear they all entered.

"Your accountant's not here." John said, surveying his surroundings.

"Just as well given the situation."

"Sure beats the hell out of the lobby." As John took in the elaborate office. Joss stifled a smile thinking about John taking time to notice.

"Thanks I designed it myself." Elias replied, moving to the desk and pressing a hidden button opening a secret panel revealing a safe.

"Elias we don't need money, we need a way out."

"Yes, and what have I told you."

Just then another panel opened behind him revealing a hidden stairwell

"Always another way out," John whispered.

Elias moved toward the safe to enter the combination. "Elias There's no time." Joss understood the urgency in John's voice even if Elias didn't. She moved toward him to guide him toward the stairwell.

Suddenly a shotgun blast shattered the door leading to the office. Brotherhood soldiers burst thru with guns blazing.

"Joss get him out of here" as John pushed them into the stairwell covering them from the gunfire.

In that moment everything seemed to move in slow motion as a barrage of bullets flew through the air. Joss pushed Elias down the staircase as John followed and Scarface covered them, John encouraged them on and went back to help Marconi, Elias and Joss both stopped after a few steps and looked up at the door way where Marconi and John were returning gunfire just in time to see Marconi take a bullet to the shoulder.

"Anthony!" Elias called out and tried to push past Joss to get back up the stairs.

"Go! Get him out!" Marconi yelled to Joss then he looked at John "Take care of my boss" he exchanged a look with Elias and returned though the doorway to face down the Brotherhood.

The threesome hustled down the stairwell, as Elias finally stopped resisting, trying to get back to his friend. After going down several flights of steps, John peeked over the railing to see some Brotherhood solders coming up towards them "this way" Elias directed them to a room off the landing.

As they surveyed the small room there were several sets of empty bunk beds, mattresses and debris on the floor. John looked around. "Homey"

"Anything but," was Elias 'reply.

"Dominic will have his men going floor by floor we can't stay hidden forever, and we can't blast our way out here." As john checked the clip in gun he then turned to Elias. "We're gonna need an escape route. Elias I could use your help here."

Joss watched Elias ever since they entered the room and shut the door she noticed he was becoming agitated pacing back and forth, she wanted to chalk it up to Marconi being shot but it seemed to be something more.

"They shot Anthony. Dominic wanted my attention now he has it" Was Elias solemn response to John. Joss wanted to reach out and comfort the man but thought better of it.

At that moment Elias' cell phone rang. John and Joss could only hear his side of the conversation, they both figured it was Dominic. They moved to the other side of the room to have a sidebar of their own. "I've got to get you both out of here before this gets even more out of hand. John said glancing over at the agitated man on the phone.

"And just how do you propose to do that, I'm pretty sure his plan is to go back and get his man and kill Dominic in the process."

"Well, I will just have to reason with him, wont I?" A ghost of a smile graced his face as he looked down at Joss.

"Right," Joss answered sarcastically. Having caught the tail end of his conversation with Dominic, Elias ended the call.

"You can't give yourself up he'll kill you."

"I suspect he will, but there's a chance he'll let you and Anthony go."

"And a better chance he kills us all."

"Dominic's smart he won't kill a detective or a district attorney if he doesn't have to, and Anthony he's saved my life more than a few times over the years what kind of a man would I be if I didn't try to return the favor."

"A live one, now I'm going to get you and Joss out of here and once I do I'll come back for Anthony."

"We'll come back for Scarface." Joss corrected. John looked at her stone faced "there is nothing to argue about you are not coming back into this building."

Joss opened her mouth to argue with John when Elias spoke matter of factly "His. Name. Is. Anthony!" His sudden outburst stunning them both to silence.

"Sorry Elias, we, we meant no disrespect." She put her hand on his arm to reassure him. "We will get Anthony out"

"Look Dominic is not going to kill Anthony unless he has you and we're not going to let that happen.' John reached into his jacket and pulled out a hand gun and handed it to Elias.

Elias took the gun checked the chamber and looked at John "Remember the last time you handed me a fire arm?"

"You aimed it at my head don't make me regret it again."

The threesome took various stairways and passages in the building to avoid Dominic's men and managed to make their way to the ground floor exit.

"We're coming out the southeast exit of the building be ready Finch. John following closely behind Joss out the door, he carelessly allowed Elias to bring up the rear when he proceeded to pull a gun and pointed it at them.

"John I'm so sorry I prefer not to shoot you but I will if I have to."

"Dammit Elias we had a plan."

"Two plans actually yours where you save my life and mine where I save yours and Jocelyn's."

"Elias you can't go back in there. I didn't save you from HR just to have Dominic take you out." Joss tried to reason with him.

"I can't let you back in there you and John can't survive a building full of guns although you both would try." Was Elias reply to her.

Elias reentered the building making sure the doors were locked behind him.

John looked at the door just for a moment as if calculating something he then abruptly turned took Joss by her arm and escorted her to Finch's waiting Town Car. "Stay with Finch I'll be right back. Helping her into the passenger seat.

Joss sat quietly fuming to herself _**no he did not just order me to stay in this car.**_

"Detective?" Finch spoke pulling her attention to him.

"When are you going to tell him?" Finch asked her quietly. Finch's question really didn't take her by surprise.

"I should have known you knew." Joss huffed shaking her head.

"I didn't mean to intrude on your privacy but the danger is very real here. I'm sure Mr. Reese wouldn't mind you sitting this one out, he'll be extremely unhappy knowing you put the life of your unborn child in harm's way to protect him "…..

Joss sat thinking biting her lip and her eyebrows knotting as she began to form a plan in her mind. "Detective? I'm not quite sure what you ar.." Joss interrupted him.

"I don't care how you know, that's not important right now John and Elias are on a suicide mission and they need my help." She stopped and thought about what she was about to do it didn't make sense but when it came to John Reese most things she did didn't make sense. "I know you have been around John long enough to know you never go into a situation unprepared."

Finch turned to look at her as she stared straight ahead seeing the determination on her face, he seemed to be debating with himself after several seconds he popped open the trunk.

"Thank you Finch," as joss jumped out of the passenger seat and surveyed the various weapons that were stored there. If she had time she would have taken a closer look at them all. She chose a couple of semi – automatics, one large, one small caliber, some extra clips and she put on a Kevlar vest.

She came to the driver's side window." Finch I need a way back into that building."


	8. Chapter 8

Forgiveness Is a Funny Thing Chapter 8

Joss sat and stared out the window. The irony of the situation did not escape her, just a few weeks ago their positions were changed, John was the one passed out on the bed and she was keeping watch over him waiting for him to wake up. Finch stood up and stretched as the doctor prepared to leave. He had Dr. Tillman come and check out John for any injures following the explosion. She still couldn't believe that Anthony was dead and Elias and Dominic were MIA.

"Thank you once again for your help doctor." Finch was escorting Megan to the door of the safe house.

"No problem Harold, just make sure he gets his rest, she nodded her head toward John. He may have suffered some internal bruising from the concussion from the blast, but he'll be good as new in no time."

"Will he wake up soon?" Harold turned to look at John on the bed with concern in his eyes.

"I gave him a mild sedative, Megan smiled "we know John is not the best patient any rest he gets helps him heal quicker." Joss bowed her head and mumbled " he's the worst"

"Mrs. Murphy are you sure you're ok?" Megan smiled having heard her.

"Yes I'm fine, I wasn't as close to the impact as John, and please call me Joss."

"If you have any issues please call, goodbye Harold I hope I won't be seeing you or John in a professional capacity for a while, Megan glanced over at Joss. "It was good to meet you."

Joss smiled at her but didn't respond. "Goodbye Doctor, as Harold closed the door behind her. He turned to Joss.

"Detective I must be going also, there's a small crisis concerning Ms. Shaw I need to attend to."

Joss headed over to the door to escort him out. "Harold can I ask you something? As she opened the door for him.

"Of course Detective, I'll try to answer as truthfully as I can," that last little bit not lost on Joss.

"Did you know, about Ian I mean, did you know he was going to be killed that day?" Harold stopped and looked at her giving her his full attention.

"Jocelyn I can assure you if we had known anything concerning Mr. Murphy being in danger we, John especially would have moved heaven and earth to help him." And with that he slipped out the door.

Joss went back to the window and looked out over the city. This was another close call for them, first surviving the shooting at the hands of HR and now this. Joss closed eyes and placed he hand on her stomach thanking God, her and her baby had gotten out safely, trying not to remember those moments leading to the explosion.

_She had managed to catch up with Elias. Finch was on his cell phone trying to talk him out of turning himself over to Dominic and when the call was over she took up where Finch left off. "This is a bad idea give us a chance to try to get Anthony back before you do anything else." When they looked up they were walking into the open arms of Dominic and some of his men. Next thing they knew they were on their knees with their hands zip tied behind their backs, guns pointed at their heads. _

"_I have to say I respect you for turning yourself over, running doesn't suit men like us." _

_Neither does breaking your word you have me now let Anthony and Mrs. Murphy go. "Dominic ignored Elias plea and turned his attention to Joss._

"_Just one more thing thank you for handing me lady lawyer." Dominic kneeled down in front of her." It's good to finally come face to face." Joss just stared at him._

_He continued to look her over as if sizing her up. "You don't look so imposing are you really the one that brought HR down?" He smirked at Joss. _

_Yes and I will you too, I am definitely looking forward to sending you to prison." _

"_That was your husband that was killed in the shootout involving my men__, yes? Thought I read that in the newspapers. My goal was to bring down the old lion here take over this city but"….he smiled at Joss. _

"_Do you know what gets most people in trouble?" Dominic asked looking between the two. "Complacency and predictability, your husband goes to a bistro on that block for lunch almost every day and what better way to let you know Ms. ADA that I was very aware you were trying to send some of my men to prison." Joss' eyes grew wide at the realization the he was confessing to murdering Ian. Joss couldn't catch her breath it was almost like her lungs refused to fill with air suddenly rage began to consume her she managed to leap to her feet and began to charge at Dominic "You Son of a"… Just as she was about reach him one of the soldiers tackled her to the floor and dragged her back beside Elias. Dominic looked on eyes filled with amusement._

"_Don't worry about it you'll join him soon enough." He then turned his attention back to Elias._

* * *

_John had gotten to the landing leading to the floor where Joss and Elias were being held just in time to see Dominic's man dragging Joss. If that guy was lucky a kneecapping would be the least of his problems. John was trying to assess the situation, how would he get to Anthony and also help Joss and Elias out. He was formulating a plan when Lionel arrived on the scene. "The cavalry has arrived what you need?" He puffed out after running up the stairs. _

_"What are you doing here Lionel, Finch said you were out of commission"_

_"Glasses called said you might need some help, what you think some government spook or agent or whatever he called her is gonna keep me from helping my partner?" Weather he admitted it or not John was glad to have him there for backup. _

* * *

_Joss had managed to regain her composure, sorry for her momentary loss of control she knew never let your enemy know he had gotten the upper hand, and returned to her knees beside Elias. She kept her eyes to the floor, her mind still reeling from the confession from Dominic. "Focus Joss" she reminded herself of the immediate danger they were in. As she began to focus on the surroundings once more one thing she knew for sure was that John was close by. She could always sense his presence._

_She continued to keep her eyes to the floor as she listened to the exchange between the two men. _

"_Now Elias I'm gonna need the code to the vault." Dominic returning to the business at hand._

"_That wasn't part of the deal." Elias shaking his head to the new proposal._

"_Deals been amended standard rider, to the victor goes the spoils."_

"_Is Anthony even still alive?" Dominic pulled out his phone placed a call and put it to Elias ear._

_How you doing Anthony?" Joss could hear the relief in his voice that his friend was still alive. _

"_I want them to release you."_

"_I want them to let you go first." Joss got a strange feeling only hearing on side of the conversation. She continued to listen closely._

"_Okay Anthony that's enough, you've gone far enough." Joss realized the man beside her was saying goodbye to his friend. Not like this she thought to herself._

"_One," Elias began to call out a series of numbers that she assumed was the combination to the vault._

"_Zero, three, zero, seven, four." When she heard the catch in his voice she knew this was definitely goodbye, but also a time for action she held her head up looking for the opportunity to get away._

_Joss knew the man well enough that the slight display of emotion was unusual for Elias, then his voice turned ice cold. "I've got to give you credit Dominic, you've studied your enemy infiltrated my organization identified my weaknesses and you exploited it San Zhou would be impressed. Dominic huffed at Elias statement turned away from him he pulled a gun from his waistband and checked the chamber._

"_But I've learned something over the years, while it's important to know your enemies weakness it's just as important to know your own. You know yours Dominic? Hubris. _

_As Joss watched the exchange between the men a look of realization came over Dominic's face as he pulled out his phone to make a call. At that moment shots rang out scattering Dominic and his men "CARTER OVER HERE!" Fusco called as shots fired around her and Elias they made their way over to him in the middle of the gunfire. Fusco quickly made sure all was clear "Dammit where did Elias go?" _

"_John where's John?!" Joss looked around as she yelled at Fusco, just then there was an explosion that knocked them off their feet. _

_John was the first and only thought Joss had seconds after the explosion._

"_Where is he Fusco?"_

"_He started up the steps just the shooting started said something about Marconi." Fusco pointed in the direction John had taken._

"_OH God!" Joss turned in the direction to the stairway leading to the penthouse, before she could move Fusco grabbed her arm. _

"_Where do you think you're going there was just an explosion remember?" Lionel still couldn't believe the danger these two were willing to put themselves in. "Stay here I'll go see if he's alright."_


	9. Chapter 9

Forgiveness Is a Funny Thing Chapter 9

Here is the final chapter of the story. The mistakes are all mine the characters are not, Enjoy!

Joss walked over to the bed after letting Finch out. She sat on the edge and watched John sleep she smiled down at him remembering when they worked Ian's number together, how he looked at her in that leather dress and then how he spent the rest of the evening actively avoiding her. She reached out and fingered his hair that had a little more silver than black. She then ran the back of her hand down the side of his face. They almost died tonight her at the hands of Dominic and him in an explosion. Too many things had changed between them it was time to settle everything. Maybe they could salvage some parts of their friendship.

_John was dreaming. All his friends were gathered together standing in what looked like a gazebo he was dressed in a tuxedo waiting for a woman dressed in white her face covered by a thick white veil. He couldn't see her face but somehow he knew it was Joss. There was a beautiful little girl with sandy brown hair running up to him she squealed as he picked her up and tossed her towards the sky. He pulled he woman in white to his side and took the little girl by the hand, "Come on Carter let's get married." John smiled down at her. _

John stirred from her touch and his eyes popped open, the first and only face he wanted to see was one Joss Carter Murphy.

"Hey you." Joss smiled down at him relieved he was awake, he tried to sit up. "Take it easy John," she tried to hold him down. "You're recovering from the concussion of a very forceful explosion. Dr. Tillman didn't believe you suffered from any internal injuries but let's not press it, Okay." She started to return to her seat by the window when he grabbed her arm and stopped her. John turned her to look into his eyes. "Are you alright?" He looked her over trying to see if she suffered any injuries.

"John I'm fine, really, besides you got the worst of it running toward the blast and all."

"Marconi?"

"He didn't make it." John felt bad for their nemesis turned ally.

"Fusco and Finch?"

"They're fine too." John breathed a sigh of relief.

"Elias?"

"He disappeared in the chaos following the explosion."

What about Dominic? He asked coldly, more curious than concerned.

"He and his men that survived the explosion got out of the building before the authorities arrived."

John finally settled down the woman he loved and all his friends were safe. He took a deep breath. "Joss there's something I need to tell you."

"John we can talk later, you need to rest." Joss had never seen him so animated.

"I need to say this Joss, you and I have had too many close calls." She knew he was right there had been way too many.

"Joss I'm sorry." Tears welling in his eyes. "I'm sorry for not being there to save Ian, for leaving you handle some things alone when I gave you my word you were not, John's breath caught as he spoke the next words, "For leaving you when…"

When John?" Joss put her hand on his chest to assure him.

"When Simmons shot you. I thought you died that night and you would have been alone." Tears fell down his cheeks. Joss reached out and wiped them away.

"Being estranged from you all these months, not being able to talk to you and when I had to disappear….I understand why you married Ian, he was a good man, he was there for you. I couldn't even be there to help you grieve." Joss began to get that knot of worry between her brows as she listened to him.

"Please forgive me for everything you had to go through alone. He took a deep breath and continued. "I'm ready to tell you everything, for a fresh start between us."

Joss couldn't look at him, she began biting her lower lip. Was she really prepared to hear the truth about everything? This time she was hoping for an interruption of some kind so she could think.

"The first truth, I Love you Jocelyn, I have since the very first time I saw you." John looked at her as if he were burning a hole into her soul.

Joss rubbed her hand across her forehead, "John," she whispered. She wasn't sure if she was ready to hear this after all.

John began to tell her about Finch's machine, about how they got the numbers, about his time in the CIA, about Decima and Samaritan and why they had to suddenly disappear. He was being an open book.

Joss couldn't really absorb it all, she was still stuck that Finch had built an artificial Intelligence.

"I know it may not be safe for us to be together, but remember when you asked when it was ever safe. In the morgue that night I told you that you changed me and it's true, the woman that you are, the strength of your character, the love and care that you offer to everyone around you and the fact that you told me I was a good man even though my past said otherwise, how can I not love someone like you?" John gazed at her very intently looking for a reaction to his confession. Joss really tried not to react this really was more than she anticipated.

"John I loved Ian that's not something I can easily get over."

"I understand Joss all I'm asking for is a chance for us to be together, I hope I'm still your friend, I would like the opportunity to be your lover and someday possibly become your husband." He caressed her face. "I'm willing to wait as long as I have to, to regain your trust."

Joss was overwhelmed by John's confession, about his feelings, so much had happened between them and if the timing was different she would throw herself in his arms and say yes but the part of Ian that she carried inside her made her hesitate, could John care for another man's child?

"John I'm pregnant, the last time Ian and I were together…."

John smiled at her," that's why you look different to me." He pulled her onto the bed beside him. Like I said I'm willing to wait for you, this child is a part of you. I love you and I'll love her and we will raise this little girl together and Alex, well Taylor is almost grown so him not so much." They couldn't help but laugh.

Joss raised her eyebrow at him, "a girl huh? Oh and John I forgive you." She smiled her brightest smile at him.

"Let's just call it male intuition," he smiled and waggled his eyebrows. He kissed her on her cheek. "Like I said I'm willing to wait."

Suddenly John's cell phone rang.

"Hello John." It was Elias.

He put the phone on speaker so Joss could hear. "I didn't get a chance to thank you and Joss for saving my life."

"You're welcome." John replied.

"I hope you understand why I didn't tell you about the bomb."

"You were playing the rope a dope on Dominic, you drew him in."

"That building was always a failsafe, in the inevitable event one of my enemies would move on me."

"Harold looked into the history of the building." Joss replied to him. "It used to be a group home The Waylon School for Boys maybe you've heard of it."

"Jocelyn I'm glad you were not injured in the explosion. I always hated that place." Elias sighed when he heard the name of the building.

"I'm sorry we couldn't save Anthony." Elias could hear the honesty in John's voice.

"Anthony died protecting me it's up to me now to make sure his sacrifice wasn't in vain."

"What will you do?" Joss asked curiously.

Elias' voice turned ice cold. "You told me you wouldn't fight a war John but sometimes a war comes to you, when it does you can either fight or be vanquished. I'm going to see Dominic answers for Anthony and when that day comes you** all** will be wise to stay out of my way. He cut the call suddenly.

John and Joss looked at one another.

"What do we do about Dominic?" Joss asked.

"We wait I know he'll turn up soon, and when he does let's hope we get to him before Elias does." John looked at her intently.

* * *

8 MONTHS LATER

Isobel Alexa Murphy came into the world, 8lbs 5oz with a full head of sandy brown curls, beautiful hazel eyes more green than brown and a very healthy set of lungs.

* * *

TWO YEARS LATER

On the grounds of an estate owned by Ernest Thornhill, in upstate New York, a group of friends gathered together at the gazebo for a wedding.

Fusco looked around the grounds 'the guy who owns this must be really loaded the thought to himself'. He suddenly spied Shaw who looked so good he almost swallowed his tongue.

"Not one word Fusco, The only reason I'm wearing this dress its Carters wedding present. Shaw looked angrier than usual.

Fusco held up his hands in surrender. "I didn't say one word." He just smiled still checking her out.

Joss was putting the finishing touches on her wedding ensemble when there was a knock at the door. "Come on in," she offered the invitation thinking it was one of the kids, it was John. She quirked her eyebrow at him, "you do know its bad luck to see the bride before the wedding?"

He smiled his most dazzling smile at her "When have we ever been the conventional couple?" They both had to laugh, thinking about the path they travelled to get to this day.

"I have a special gift for you." He handed her a small box tied with ribbon.

"What? I thought we said no gifts?" Joss looked at him wide eyed.

"This is just for you so open it". Joss loosened the ribbon, opened the box inside was a small slip of paper. There was a name that Joss recognized immediately.

She gasped, "Joss I told you everything that day in the safe house except this, I wanted to give it to you as a wedding gift, my real name. Johnathan James Stewart."*

"Well, I was going to give this to you later but since we're exchanging gifts and I wasn't sure when would be the right time to give it to you, she smiled at him and handed him an envelope.

John gasped when he saw the contents, it was the picture of him and Jessica.

"Carter, how?" He couldn't believe it.

"When Finch had me go to New Rochelle with Donnelly, I found it in Jessica's things," she looked at the photo along with John. "The John in that picture was so full of life, love and hope," she looked up into his eyes, "just like the man standing before me today a good man just like in the picture.

He gathered her into his arms and kissed her, like nothing else mattered but his love for this woman, his woman. They pulled out of the embrace and he took her hand.

"Come on Carter let's get married.

As they made their way to the gazebo Isobel ran toward "mommy we getting married"

"That's right baby." Joss smiled at her beautiful baby girl.

John realized he was living the dream he had he began to remember what it felt like to be that man in that picture the man full of life, love and hope. He picked up Izzy and carried her in his arms he pulled Joss close to his side and began to walk toward his future.

A/N: *In honor of Mr. Caviezel receiving the Harvey Award last month.

This is the end of the story. I hope you enjoyed the journey and much as I did. I really struggled with ending because I got the idea for a sequel and for some reason it made it difficult to finish. I hope it didn't come off to soap opera either. Also I didn't think Joss would tell John she already knew his real name, I think he already suspected it but I thought it would be something that would solidify their relationship even further. I didn't deal with Dominic, pondering a sequel. I couldn't hel myself somehow Shaw and Fusco work themselves in to the story. Thank you so much for reading and for every review.


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